10 years ago my husband died

I can't believe it's been 10 years since Ken died. We were high school sweetheart , dated for 6 years before we got married, had 3 gorgeous kids together, shared a common past and common dreams for our future. Then on Sep. 26th 1998, when our baby boy was just 2 months old, after 9 years of marriage, he died.

Losing someone you love is so totally incomprehensible. When it's a spouse, your lives are so intertwined. Sometimes its hard to know where you stop and your spouse begins. You dream about your future together and then watch it unfold as you start careers, buy your first house, give birth to your children, watch them grow, plan for vacations and travel, retirement and grandkids. You know each other's biggest weaknesses and love them anyway. You know what your spouse's favorite foods are, what kinds of movies they like, how they like to spend their free time, how they take their coffee. You share the same routines. You can't imagine life without the other person. And then, one day, you're changing diapers and cleaning house, buying groceries and playing with the kids and the phone rings. And everything is changed forever.

For some, the death of loved one comes slowly and painfully after an extended illness. For me it came quickly with a car accident and a phone call.

It takes time for the mind and the heart to grasp such a violent loss. You feel like giant pieces of yourself are suddenly ripped out leaving gaping wounds. You want to crawl under the covers of your bed and sleep forever, only the baby is crying and the toddlers are hungry. Every morning you wake up and realize anew that

he's never coming back

.

You go to the grocery store and are amazed that everyone else is unchanged. You watch people laughing and gossiping and carrying on with their lives and you want to shout " WAIT!Don't YOU UNDERSTAND? THE WORLD HAS JUST FALLEN APART! HOW CAN YOU ORDER a DOUBLE NO FAT LATTE WITH WHIP CREAM?"

10 years. Longer than we were even married. He would have been 42. I still love him. I'm still mad at him for dying.

But except for days like today, when the memories come back hard and unrelenting and I cry until my well of tears is dried up, I'm amazingly ok. Life has gone on. I have fallen in love again and married a wonderful man. My oldest kids are now teenagers and thriving in school and friendships. My youngest doesn't remember having any other father than Jay who I've been married to for 7 years now. Joy has seeped back into my life.

And yet, and yet, I am no longer innocent. I have suffered. Joys are no longer pure but tinged with sorrow.

My God is no longer impersonal but deeply personal. He truly comforted me in my darkest days. He gave me strength when I ran out of my own. He gives me the hope of someday being reunited with Ken in heaven. He has provided for my every need. I've seen people who grieve without the grace of God. They become bitter and joyless. They get stuck in the grief and it defines who they are.

For Ken, I miss you, I'll always love you and look forward to our joyous reunion in Heaven.

Why You should never get a White dog

BEFORE



AFTER

Oy! with the poodle, already!

Check out my new blog!

I will continue posting about art and stuff here, but have started a new blog to rant discuss the other stuff in my life: hormones, serotonin, the kids, being in a blended family, my hot husband, pet peeves - you know, the stuff that makes up my daily life.

Come visit me and let me know what you think about the new blog!

I'ts the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Wow- it's been a looong time since I posted. I guess that's what happens when you have 4 kids home for summer. It's been three months of a constant trail of 10 year old neighborhood boys through the house ( I've tried to make my house not child friendly, but alas, they all seem to want to gather here), constant running my teenagers around ( none can drive yet- which is probably a good thing), and THE FOOD! Oy, WITH ALL THE FOOD, ALREADY! It's amazing how much food teenagers consume- especially since they don't wake up till almost noon and then drape themselves over a chair most of the rest of the day- I mean, how many calories can they need? THEY BARELY MOVE!

A few weeks ago, I was still enjoying summer - no homework, no schedules, no grumpy early mornings. BUT THEN, the kids got bored and started turning on each other. They reverted to 3 year old sharing tactics( ie NOT sharing) and pushing each other's buttons for their own entertainment. And I started to REALLY NEED SOME ALONE TIME! I would have given a kidney for an hour of silence.

So today- I celebrate. The annual migration of kids from the couch to the classroom. I have 7 WHOLE HOURS of silence, peace and peanut butter free countertops. The house is, once again, my domain. Even the dog seems happier.

Happy New School Year to Mom's Everwhere!

Fun Garage Sale find!

So...recently I went junkin at garage sales with my good friend, Deb. We stumbled upon this sale with a bucket full of these really old parade flags. We had no idea they were worth anything, but we loved how they looked. We bought the whole lot. Well, turns out, we hit a jackpot of junking, because we spent 25 cents per flag and sold them to one of the nations foremost American flag dealer for 3300 dollars! Way cool, huh? Turns out several were quite rare civil war era hand waving flags. Here's a photo of one of the flags. I'll be keeping myt eyes open for old flags!

Garden Tour for the Cure

Welcome to my Garden! Tour hosted by Sweet Annee!

Summer Sale!

I have lowered the prices on many of my items in my Creative Call Studios Shop! Go to my Sheltering Tree Studio Shop for summertime savings!

Blogland Garden Tour for the cure.

Deena has come up with a great way to show off our gardens and support breast cancer research. Please go to her blog to sign up!

Covered Bridge

Covered Bridges. Who doesn't love them? The symbolism of the covered bridge encompasses so many things: romance, simpler times, shelter, the excitement of a journey, the contentment of returning home. Covered bridges allow us to cross over an otherwise impassable path. I used a transfer of an old covered bridge photo to create this painting. At the entrance to the bridge was some kind of informational sign. The sign didn't transfer well and as I painted over parts of the transfer I discovered that all that was left of the sign was a cross. How Perfect! The cross, the symbol of Christ shedding his atoning blood for our sins. In Christ we find shelter from the storms of life, we find direction for the path He has set before us, we find our way home. Christ is our very own covered bridge.

I will praise you in this storm

"I will praise You in this storm, cuz You are who You are."

For sale in my Etsy shop.

Firm Foundation

Created for Art in the Word. This is a reprensentation of my own home. I like how it turned out - the simplicity and ethereal feel.

Tagged

I've been tagged by the glamorous and very talented Pam Carriker! You may visit her blog HERE

The rules of the game are:

1. Link back to the person that tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. Share six unimportant things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your entry.
Here are the six unimportant things about me...

1. I always love the male rockers in American Idol the best. Go DAVID COOK! The boy band singers kind of creep me out. ( sorry, David Archuletta fans)

2.The first and last time I colored my hair at home, I looked like Ronald McDonald. My family will never let me live that down. ( I made an emergency appt. at the hair salon the NEXT DAY!)

3. I am a perfectionist at heart but somewhere along the line developed an easy going personality. However, the two sides often battle it out. So, my house may be a mess and I may say it doesn't bother me, but deep down inside it really does - but not enough to do anything about it. ( yeah, I could probably use a good therapist! )

4. I love to be alone. I don't think I could actually be a monk, but I could be quite happy being a recluse 90% of the time.

5.As I am writing this, I just got a call from the nurses office that my son is sick AGAIN! He was throwing up last week, my daughter was throwing up a couple of days ago and now he is sick to his stomach again! UGGGGHHHH! (now you may better understand my answer to number 4)

6. I didn't actually pick up the phone to get the message from the nurse- it was left on my machine. I hate the phone! I find it to be an intrusion and usually screen my calls. Some people think this is rude, but if I answered my phone every time it rings I would NEVER get anything done!

New Shop Name

I have been praying about a new name for my Creative Call Studios shop. Scattered Momentos doesn't really fit what I am doing in my art right now and I wanted a name that would reflect my faith. I have decided to change my shop name to "Sheltering Tree Studio". I will keep the site addy of my shop the same for awhile as I transition to the new name. I have added some new work to my shop HERE - check it out!

Happy Mother's Day!

To all mothers who have endured the pain of childbirth and forgotten how painful it is and done it again! and again! ( did you read about the mother who just had her 18th child?). To all the mothers who wake up at 1:30 am to hear a child vomitting on the carpet ( I did this twice this week!) and who hold their child's head over the toilet while they're sick and clean up after them and then pray that they will get better soon. To all the mother's who made the decision to give their baby up for adoption instead of aborting them or trying to raise them alone ( thank you, my birth mother, wherever you are). To the mothers who adopted these babies and loved them as one of their own ( thanks, MOM!). To all the mothers who have had to bury their babies to early. To all the mothers who have had to send their babies off to war with tears and prayers. To all the mothers who have had to hold their child's hands at a hospital. To all the mothers who don't have their own children but nurture other's children. To mothers throughout the centuries who have given up their own food, so their child's tummy will be full.

To mothers everywhere! Have a very Happy Mother's Day!

Progression of a painting 2

Also for Paulette Insall's online "All About Faces Class".

Progression of a painting

Progression of a painting from Paulette Insall's online "All About Faces" class.

New sketches

I've been working on some portrait sketches using techniques learned from Paulette Insall's Painting Faces class. Sketching faces has me really noticing the details of people's faces. And expressions! What wonderful variety God has created in the faces of His people!

My article in Art Doll Quarterly

I wanted to share with everyone my article in the newest edition of Art Doll Quarterly. Assemblage dolls are so fun to make!

Oh, the Places You'll Go

A new mixed media portrait for sale in my ETSY shop.

Welcome to the Easter Parade!

Enjoy some art I have created around the themes of Spring and Christ's Resurrection!
Happy Easter!

To view more of the Easter Parade go to Miss Sandy's